October 12, 2009

• It's been a long time since I blogged from my heart....

  I am experimenting here, to see how the text shows up against the background picture. When I put a colored background in the text box, you can't see the picture. This picture was taken in our living room, 5 years ago, at a party for a friend who had come home on leave. But if you can't read it, just hit "Control A" and it will highlight everything.

  This week has been 5 years since we have seen "E". He last visited with us October 9-13, 2004, after his first trip to Iraq. He's been on my mind a lot in the past few weeks. Some of you are too new here, to know of the ups and downs with him in the past. But some of you remember. Bethany was interested in him (kind of an understatement), and it took me a little while, but I began to love him like my own child. They were not officially a couple, but they might as well have been, because parting was just as difficult. At least it was for us. But his chosen lifestyle was not what it would need to be, to be the other half of a couple that includes a girl whose heart lives for God. I felt a terribly heavy prayer burden for him. If you've never felt that before, I cannot possibly explain it adequately. I was nearly constantly praying for him during my waking hours. I'd even wake up in the middle of the night, and the first thing I thought about was him. I'd pray. But that need began to lift.

  Sometimes I'm tempted to think it was just us. But it wasn't. He asked to come here and visit...all the way from Florida where he was in EOD school. He asked to come visit on leave. He would email or IM volutarily, and asked us to send him certain things in the desert. He said even his mother didn't send him things when he was in Iraq. I don't know if that's true or not. There was lots of untruth floating around then. And he shamelessly flirted with Beth.

  I do not know why God brought him into our lives. I don't know if I will ever know. But being a "problem solver" kind of person, I still wonder. I want everything to make sense, even though I know it won't. I still pray for him, but not like before. I want his safety in the sandbox, because he is Air Force EOD. He plays with bombs. But now I won't know when he's there, because he won't tell me.

  I did not want to never hear from him again. But he told me once that when he breaks off a relationship, he just breaks all contact. That's what he did again. I think it's childish. But I'm sure it makes things easier, when you are ashamed of things you've done.

  When he was at war, I bugged him with emails, because if he answered, I knew he was still alive and kicking. But he wanted his distance from us, and a year ago, I told him he had it. I would not bother him. Well, I did send him a short little email on his birthday, just telling him happy birthday. But other than that, I've been good.

  It is just 3 weeks till Steve and I celebrate 30 years of marriage. That just doesn't seem possible. I remarked the other day on Facebook, that October just got here, and it's almost half over. But what's worse is I don't know where the last 30 years have gone. They have just flown by, looking back on them. Brandon will be 28 in 3 weeks and 3 days (Nov 5), and Bethany will be 24 in May. When did Beth go from that little girl with really curly hair and a big smile, to a grown woman, wanting to get married and have a family of her own? When did Brandon even get old enough to get married? He and Rachael will celebrate 3 years on Nov 18. The 11 months from their engagement to the wedding seemed like forever while I was racing to get everything done, and now it's been 3 years. Our other daughter, Rachel Elizabeth, would have been 26 this coming February.

  I'm proud of my family. I know you guys are all surprised Despite the way my house looks right now, I am a person who likes to have things orderly. I don't succeed, but I like it. I like things to fall into place, just like I think they are supposed to. Which leaves plenty of room for God to say, "I'm going to show you just how differently I think than you do."

  One of my favorite games is even one that falls into place...Clickomania. The squares fall into place, much like Tetris, except you don't have them falling down on you from above. I'm not that quick. But I like things to fall into place.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when Brandon and Rachael got married. One more of the pieces falling into place. He finished school, he has a good job, and now...marriage. Last March, they bought a house. One more piece of the American dream.

  Bethany has a good job. I believe God connected her with the person who offered her the job. She had not even applied for it, and didn't know about it. They called her and asked if she was interested.

  See, my heart has always been nervous about these things. Neither has a college degree, as so many people believe is absolutely necessary. They have taken a few online courses, but no degree. I homeschooled my children back when it was still very much frowned upon, so they do not have diplomas from accredited schools. People questioned why my children were with me in the middle of the day. Even though homeschooling has been legal for many, many years, school districts were still hassling people about it then. I did not allow them to play in the front yard while they were not studying, until the neighborhood kids got off the bus. Why invite more questions?

  I knew of a family living next door to our then-pastor, who was homeschooling. They were living in the same school district that I graduated from. Even though it was perfectly legal to homeschool, with very few restrictions, the district came in and told them they must have their space set up just like a public school room, with desks. And they must have set times for everything, just as in a public school. The school district was attempting to regulate a school that was officially classified by the state, as a private school. They were far overstepping their bounds. So I did not want to invite that kind of scrutiny on us. Of course, my children had never been registered in a public school, which made it easier. We had not left a paper trail.

  I believe God has blessed us greatly for for doing what we believed He wanted us to do...teach our children at home. They've had an education. They even learned about heart bypass surgery at young ages. Beth was 3-1/2 and Brandon was almost 8, when my dad had his first bypass. They allowed us to take them into the cardiac ICU to see Gran. How many children get that kind of a field trip?

  I am waiting for another puzzle piece to fall into place...that would be Bethany meeting the man God wants for her. I know...she's waiting, too....eagerly. I was the same way. I lived my whole life wanting to get married and have children.

  I have prayed for years, for God to bring the one He wants her to have, and to keep away the ones He does not want her to have. I'm still doing it. And oh, man...there's been several where I prayed extra hard. I don't want one for her that got another girl pregnant while he was in Beth's life. Or one who has been married twice with 2 kids (there's lots of details I'm leaving out there). Or one who calls himself Christian, but believes in living together before marriage. And I don't believe God does, either. God forgives, and God still loves those people, but they are not obeying His word.

  When I was younger, I didn't really understand how important that was. But I do now. So many things are just accepted now, that God says are wrong! The correct order to do things is marriage, living together, and babies. No other way is right in God's eyes.

  I also pray that when she meets the right one, I'll love him like one of my own. I think that's the best kind of in-law relationship. If your family is close, then the in-law relationship should be close, too. Otherwise, it's just inviting trouble. You don't want that uncomfortable feeling when your parents and spouse are together. You want your parents to be genuinely proud and exceedingly happy when you are getting married.

  When you get married, if your family is close, the family just expands to welcome in a new member. So many people think that when they get married, they are separate and independent. But that's really not true...you marry a family, too. It sure does help if they love you and like to see you. Sure..there are lots of marriages that don't work that way. Steve's dad was not crazy about me, but he wasn't that crazy about Steve, either. They were extremely distant, and we rarely saw them. My family, however, all welcomed him.

  And neither do I believe that the one your parents want for you at any particular time, is necessarily the right one. That doesn't always work, either. But I do believe parents can have a lot of good input on whether or not your chosen one is the right one. Wait on God, and don't settle. I know...easy to say, hard to do.

  Since she's now officially an Advocate for Compassion International, I've wondered if she might meet "the one" that way. I continue to pray. I'm asking God to not only show him to her, but show him to us, too. It would be wonderful if he is someone who is as giving and loves mission work as much as she does.

  Or I wonder if we already know him. On her wedding day, I will be just as excited as she will be.

  I added her newest pictures to her slide show:

  
  

  • 10:43 PM
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