September 2, 2009

• Energy...I needz it

  Yesterday, I started praying for energy, and the desire to actually do the things on my "to-do" list. I usually don't think of asking God to give me energy. Yeah...I don't know why, either.

  I need rest because of the health problems I have, but I cannot let myself rest. When I do, I feel like I have wasted the day. And that's every day. That's probably because I still hear my grandmother telling me I'd wasted half the day already, on weekends when I slept late as a teenager. My grandparents lived next door to us, and they were always up before the chickens. Literally. My grandmother had trouble sleeping, just like I do. But on those days, many times she'd be up sewing at 3:00 a.m. Or baking bread. If I'm awake at 3:00 a.m. (which many times I am), I can't get very much in gear.

  I want to be like that. I want to accomplish tons of stuff every day. But I don't. I like sitting and not doing much, but the other half of me beats me up for it. Even when I am on the go all the time, I literally do not feel like I give God my best.

  My only consolation is that my grandmother did not have seizures when she lacked sleep. I do. But I try to push it as far as I can. I don't really do it consciously all the time....I just don't think about it until it's too late.

  I wish I was Wonder Woman. Ok...I wish I looked like Wonder Woman!

  Monday I got a couple of tasks done that had been weighing on me. It was church-related bookkeeping stuff. I have got to set up a better system, so that these particular tasks don't get me down so much.

  After I got that done, and went to the post office, then I got the car washed, and got it inspected. It passed. Last year, it did not, because it had some engine problems. But we've had it worked on. Several times.

  Then I went to Walmart, Kohl's, and Office Depot. I had to pick up a few things for us at Walmart, but also for my mom. Daddy said they could not remember all the dates of everything she has had done, like when she went in the hospital, had surgery, and when she was transferred the to the current hospital. So I was off to find a calendar.

  Do you know how impossible it is to find a 2009 calendar in August of 2009? Everybody figures you should have bought your calendars in January. Walmart had nothing. So I went to Kohl's, because it was right across the parking lot. They had nothing. Even the store manager searched for me, when I explained why I needed it. As I was driving down the freeway toward the hospital, I saw Office Depot. I thought they must have calendars. And they did. Mostly 2010 calendars. *Sigh* But I finally found one little pocket planner for 2010, that actually had pages for July-December 2009. I settled. I had wanted something colorful she could hang up on the wall of her hospital room, but no such luck.

  I sat in the car in the parking lot, and wrote down all the dates in the calendar. I don't have trouble remembering them, although I do have trouble remembering what I did yesterday. And sometimes even remembering my name. I have begun to notice something...sometimes I have to stop and think what my age is! Good grief!

  I like to think it is because I am trying to put so much information in my tired brain, and there's not enough memory. Too bad I can't just go to Best Buy and get more to plug in. The truth is probably more like the hard drive I was given at birth is starting to crash. Pretty soon, nothing will operate right. Oh, wait....

  Mamma is making improvements, although they are little ones. But every improvement counts. She is far from out of the woods...in fact, she's far from even reaching the edge of the woods yet. Monday morning, they removed her temporary dialysis port that was put in back in May at another hospital. They feared the constant fever was related to infection in that port. So they put in a new one, but instead of being just below her collar bone like the last, it is in the side of her neck. That's kind of a pain.

  The doctor that did the surgery is talking about going ahead and putting the fistula in her arm. That's a permanent dialysis port in the left forearm. They have to go in and join an artery and vein to make that port. That's what she originally went in the hospital to have done, back on July 27. That's when everything went downhill. But I know there is a reason for everything that happened, and God is in control. I believe that with all my heart. I sometimes don't like His methods, but I know He knows better than we do. Our pastor is always saying that if God doesn't do things the way you would, congratulations. He doesn't do anything the way we would. His ways are above ours.

  She is eating much better. Probably because we have been taking her junk food. Yeah, it's not the healthiest, but it gets her to eat. She was severely malnourished because she was just not eating anything. Laurie has been occasionally getting her breakfast burritos and taking them by on her way to work at NASA. She is going to take her some homemade tortillas wrapped around turkey, cheese and avocados. I told her I can see what her food weakness is..she talks about tortillas all the time. She told me when she married a Mexican man, she developed a love for homemade tortillas. And I wish she wouldn't talk about them all the time. It makes me hungry!

  I think Laurie is taking her a hamburger tonight, and Heather will take something else tomorrow. Mamma said fried chicken sounded good. We are trying to balance the "bad" stuff with good. She has heart disease and hardening of the arteries. But right now, the goal is just to get her to eat enough to get stronger. The nurses bring her not only her regular trays, but snacks.

  Mamma always bought the Starbuck's coffee drinks that you get at the grocery store. She quit drinking them for a while because the milk in them was not on her diet. Too much protein can kill kidneys that are going bad. But now that they are totally gone, and she's on dialysis, she doesn't have to limit her intake quite as much. So she's back on her Starbuck's habit. And we are enabling.

  And good has come from dialysis, other than just the fact that it filters toxins. She is no longer considered diabetic. She's been diabetic most of her life. Type 1 diabetes runs strongly in our family. But the dialysis is taking the extra sugar out. She is not on insulin anymore. That was an unexpected bonus.

  Saturday my dad turns 73, so we are taking stuff to the hospital to celebrate. He raves about this peach cobbler he had at the Black-Eyed Pea. So I'm going to make peach cobbler and get vanilla ice cream. Then Sunday, Sept. 14, Mamma turns 72. Shucks...I guess we'll just have to party again!

  I did not go to the hospital yesterday, so I got a little bit done around here. I am trying, slowly, to get rid of stuff we don't need, use, or want. Yesterday, I pretty much filled a 55 gallon trash bag with junk. It's a little bit of progress on this war zone that is our house.
  
  

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  I did not mean for this post to get so long....really. So here's a few links for things in the news. First, some stupid lawsuits:

  Lawsuit claims Apple, Mafia sent threats via iPod

  Burning Man survives suit by burned man

  Polish woman sues Egyptian hotel claiming 13 year old daughter got pregnant from swimming pool

  From OneNewsNow.com............

  Normalizing transgenderism in schools

  Ben & Jerry's ice cream honors same-sex 'marriage'

  And from WND:

  Ted Kennedy's letter to the pope

  Cops jump on swine-flue power: shots heard round the world

  Official Obama nativity story continues to unravel

  Parents rebel against Obama tv speech to schools

  Bank wants thumbprint from man with no hands

  • 5:39 PM
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